Either, they really get into it, which is seldom, and stick with you or they exoect you to un-focus during talks and events. People have no problems to talk about boring stuff every day, doing the same small talk over and over, but the will not talk about the same serious stuff over a long time. But you probably don't realize that a topic is 'done' after a while. This will give you a boost because you feel appreciated. you are probably experct in some matter and ppl are like 'wow, you are so good at.' and will talk about it. It has various reasons:Īt first, your INTJ-ness is interesting to people. You'll find it way easier to make friends with N types, particularly ENTP, ENFP, INTP, and INFP. Most of the relationships I have are shallow, and the depth with people is only in one area (like I have gamer friends that I only play games with). Do the INTJ thing and learn to have a passing knowledge of basically anything so you can talk for a little while about it. Just be yourself and try to be more friendly with people. Outside of extroverts, you're going to initiate most of the time. They're quite uncommon but you'll know right away because they tend to gravitate toward intense and abstract types like us. If you ever meet an ENFP you'll find that they sort of 'glomp' onto you without you initiating. I'm often the initiator because of that unapproachable vibe. I don't see the world like they do and that gap in communication styles really shows very quickly. I struggle to connect with most sensors (S types) on more than a superficial level. The third is that personality types work against you. Try to ask people about themselves and pick something about them that you talk about regularly (as long as it interests you). People sometimes feel that I'm judging them or that I don't like them. I'm not interested in small-talk and I can come across as judgmental and unapproachable because I'm so analytical. The second is that I tend to be terrible at maintaining casual relationships. Gauge what sort of person they are and try to tone back on really abstract discussions. They don't have the mental energy to keep up with you and they often don't share your interests. Controversy or even a certain amount of arguing is enjoyable. I love to talk about ideas, speculate, and debate. Not energetic per say but just intense and engaged. If you're anything like me you're REALLY intense. I've found a couple things about my social interactions and it sounds like I've had a similar experience to you. It is more a question of why so many potential friendships seem to whither from a more hypothetical standpoint. I have several dearly beloved friends that I know would go to the ends of the earth for me. Please do not misinterpret this as a cry for help or anything. Or that while (at least from my experience) we perceive friendship as having a fairly serious function, this intensity wares on potential friends to the point where they gently break contact. Basically, I wonder if we're just not 'fun' enough for most people, and that the draw of people's more spontaneous friends is more attractive. And I don't chit-chat except with my very close friends (where we go on for hours about the most ridiculous minutae of pop culture, interweaving some excellent intellectual discussion along the way). If a new potential friend asks me how I'm doing-I tell them what's on my mind, good or bad.

I wonder if this is because we as INTJs tend to want to talk about serious stuff. Does anyone else have similar experiences? Often, I then have to become the initiator, and even then, it is difficult. For a while we seem to get along well, but then, usually about a year to a year and a half, nothing in particular happens (no falling out, I don't reject their invitations if I can avoid it, as I know that it's important for many people), but they stop inviting me to spend time with them. However, I've noticed in my own life that often I will find a few people I think I can be friends with. In general, we INTJs have few friends, though I would contest that we are some of the best and most loyal friends once made. Hello y'all, I am writing today to ask about a question I've thought about for a while.

I am always the initiater reddit